Alive, maybe, sort of, hopefully

Haven’t been too many entries lately, in fact none for over a month. It’s kind of hard to write when you feel everything is useless anyway. You lose interest when you can’t even tell what day is which without really thinking about it and no matter what you do things never seem to improve and the ground just keeps crumbling beneath your feet. You start to lose interest in everything and when you don’t even feel like playing poker you know you have hit rock bottom and writing is the last thing on your mind. If this sounds like the makings of a pity party with yours truly as the guest of honor you can fucking forget it. Just an explanation as to why there haven’t been any words of wisdom from this direction lately. No idle ramblings or useless verbiage either so you probably consider yourself blessed. I also apologize because while my writing has been scarce so has my reading and so I have no idea how things are going with the rest of you out there, have som catching up to do. Hope everyone is well and won lots of money during the WSOP.

Part of the reason I have felt in a blue funk is that I have not seen my daughter since Easter and and my anticipation in seeing her for the summer got dashed due to a combination of circumstances and miscommunications. It was just the cherry on top of a pile of circumstances that were acting as the hammer with me as nail. For those interested the stroke recovery seems to still be progressing albeit very slowly. Another obstacle seems to have arisen however. For some reason my right leg has decided it does not wish to work according to the manual. Walking more than 50 feet brings shooting pains down the leg from butt to ankle. Part of it probably due to the excess weight I’m carrying around, more excess than the usual excess I have but only partly. Again the problem is, like the stroke, they can’t figure out the problem. One doctor thinks it might be circulatory while another says that, while possible, she’s getting strong pulses in my ankles and feet which makes that unlikely. Her opinion is that it’s nerve related and could be a spreading of my arthritis to my lower back. Anyway they want me to schedule a whole new series of tests and x-rays to try and get an idea of what is going on. I’m beginning to feel like one of those cheap, off brand devices where you can’t find a manual and no one knows what is wrong when it doesn’t work let alone how to fix it.

It’s funny. One of the reasons I’m coming out of my funk is that I finally get to see my daughter. I say funny because, while giving me a lift and making me start take some interest again, her visit is going to kill any poker playing until after Labor Day. Great, I get an interest in the game again and now can’t indulge. Un-freaking-real. No matter, the Scoot is finally getting down here and I anticipate a lot of pool time. She’s a water rat and social butterfly and loves going to Y to swim and play with the other kids. May even be able to get some gym time in before the pool opens. My leg and general malaise has kept me from the gym over the last month or two. Docs are bitching at me but didn’t really give a damn. You know, I never thought I would want to get back to work but right now it’s killing me that I’m not at a desk somewhere. Hell, I could even get back into loading trucks again though that ain’t going to happen anytime soon. Right now though the forced unemployment works out as it gives me time with my daughter. Only problem is that I have to make a 5-6 hour trip to go pick her up in upstate NY because she really, really, really wants me to see her in her play. Practices of which are one of the reasons she hasn’t made it down until now. The drive isn’t the problem even though the only motel in the area is a fleabag. The problem is the play is Peter Pan and I hate Peter Pan. Ahh, the things I do for my daughter. The only other problem is that it looks like no Shore trip this year. While my daughter is a bigger fan of chlorine rather than salt, another trait she shares with her father, she does enjoy a trip to the beach and a day on the boardwalk. Trying to find a way to get a couple of days down there but it ain’t looking good. My cousin has a house for a week and told us we were welcome but that week happens to be the week of Peter Pan. Damn that green clad rugrat, another reason to dislike that play. Oh well, with the impending visit of my daughter my attitude is brightening and hopefully I can keep it out of the gutter after she leaves. Some work, even something part time for awhile wouldn’t hurt. So would a fix on this damned leg. We’ll see. Anyway my daughter has already paid dividends for both her and me. Me because of my renewed interest in doing things. Her because, in addition to her new game for her Wii that I promised her after my nice day at Ballys a month or so ago, my renewed interest in poker led me down to AC yesterday and I spent the 2 hour drive talking to her. She loves those drives as she can talk my ear off and knows she has all that time and somewhere along the way she got a commitment to a new Webkinz if Dad had a good day. Well it wasn’t a great day, and looked like it was going to be miserable one when I got coolered for most of my buy in within 5 min at the table, nut flush against straight flush but we came back enough to be able to put a Webkinz or two on the shopping list. Who knows, I may even get a poker trip in while my daughter is down. She informed me on that drive that she found a place in an AC casino that sold all kinds of Webkinsz. She wondered why a casino would have Webkinz. Kind of makes the birds and the bees seem easy.

OK, if anyone out there actually found this after so long a break and if they are still awake after all the rambling I appreciate your attention for a few minutes. Thank You and hopefully I can keep my attention span on life focused for awhile and I’ll see you later.