What the hell

Hello folks, been awhile. Number of issues have kept me away and may do so again but some folks persuaded me to write again so I thought I might try. We’ll see what happens.

Snowing out there right now, it’s been that kind of winter, and the snow has just highlighted one of the reasons I’ve been gone. It just rubs my face in to the fact I fell helpless at times. Though I’ve recovered some use of my arm after the stroke it’s still weaker than I thought it would be now. Add in some lingering weakness in my leg and just some general all around lousy conditioning thanks to a couple of other problems that have kept me from the gym the last few months and I can’t do a frikkin thing about all this snow on the ground. Hell I can’t even lace up my boots properly without a struggle. While never the most ambitious of persons I never had to rely on others to do my work for me. It’s enough to drive anyone into a blue funk. We’ll see if we can keep from diving back in.

Speaking of work I finally convinced myself that I wasn’t going to make it back into the workforce in any foreseeable future. I knew I was out of back up options due to the fact I can’t really walk for more than a block at one time, and still need my cane, nor even stand up for any extended period. Always thought that I could get myself back in the IT field however, no great need for physical labor there as long as you can get someone to carry the equipment when needed. My hand however, has decided to disabuse me of those notions. When I first started getting the use of it back it came along so fast that I thought that I’d be up and running by January. Last January that is. Then I figured maybe by October that made it a year. Well, October has come and gone and I’m still typing one handed. Don’t get me wrong, it has improved, slowly, but it’s still not nimble enough to work a keyboard the way it needs to be massaged nor to work with the small bits and connectors that make up the hardware of a computer. Adding insult to injury my arthritis, a bane for over 30 years, has finally decided to start playing hell with my good hand. Basically what all this adds up to is that I finally let myself be convinced to file for disability. It’s not something I really wanted to do. Not only does the government put you through hell, or so I’m told, to qualify but it forces on you a realization that you are no longer a productive member of society. You can’t even support yourself let alone those that depend on you. You now depend on others. . Unemployment was bad enough. There’s always the feeling that you’ll get back in there on day, just need a break. Disability is permanent. It’s a scary feeling.

So, we’re back and we’ll see where it goes. Will probably be less poker discussed, though still some, as when I’m in poker playing moods I kind of forget about other things and so I can never really get to the keyboard while things are fresh in my memory. Probably be more on books, movies, my doings in the garden (right now I have two willow trees that I forgot to get in the ground last fall growing in pots in my basement) and other assorted things. I am reading at a greater rate than I had been as the arm has gotten strong enough to hold up a hardback for a decent length of time though nothing compared to my former days. Turning pages can still be a bitch though with my recalcitrant fingers. I may have to go looking for my old keyboards also for my desktop computers as the split boards I have come to love so much over the last few years just aren’t made for one handed work. Well it feels good to be back, now at least, and we’ll try and keep you informed of my trials and tribulations with good old Uncle as I wind my way through the disability tango.

Thanks for those of you who have come back to read this and Thanks to those of you who encouraged me to return.