A shave, a shave, my kingdom for a shave

Gonna do a bit of a rant here. I’m sure it will be nothing on the order of a Waffles tantrum but I’ll do what I can.

Does anyone really buy the bullshit that the grooming industry has been shoveling for years now about how more is better? Yes, I said bullshit and not bs or bullshyt or any other euphemism. This is an issue that has bugged me for years and I finally decided to let it out.

When I started shaving you had 3 basic ways of scraping your chin, or elsewhere in the case of the women out there. (This is an equal opportunity rant). You had, in ascending order of comfort, the double edge, the single edge and the injector razors. Oh alright, some of us also had the option of a straight razor but that is something I would prefer to leave in the hands of an expert. None of them was failsafe and you could expect to need a styptic or roll of tp somewhere along the line to take care of the inevitable nicks that would occur. You got a pretty damned good shave however. I finally settled on the injector and found myself a couple of decent razors that actually had small grips on the ends of the blade to cover up the sharp corners and cut down on the blood. The one I started with left the ends open and was good for at least two nicks a week. I can’t say I enjoyed those razors, who actually enjoys shaving, but they were good razors and did the job they were designed for.

Then about 40 years ago some bright genius at Gillette was probably the first person to come up with if x is good then more x is better philosophy of marketing that has since permeated the entire system. He came up with a double bladed, not double edged, razor and lots of fancy animations that showed how one blade stretched a whisker while cutting it and the second one cut it even closer. Damn, it actually made sense and while I didn’t rush right out and buy one I eventually succumbed and got one after they had been on the market for awhile. It was something I regretted the first time I tried it. How close a shave can one get with a razor that you can drag all over your face at all angles and not see a drop of red? Then an even bigger problem presented itself. I’m not the type that needs to shave every day, especially back then. My beard came in light and my hair is fine so I could go a day or two between shaves as it just wasn’t notable. The first time I shaved after letting it slide a day or two I noticed that the damned blades clogged up and they wouldn’t clean out for love or money. I soon used up my supply of blades, as much as I hated them they were too expensive to just toss, and then tossed the razor and went back to injectors. Someone must have noticed the clogging problem as I remember a twin blade cartridge that had a little plastic gizmo that you pressed on and it slide between the blades to try and clear them. As far as I was concerned it didn’t make a difference, I had my injectors and all was right with the world.

Somewhere along the line someone continued the thought that if one was good and two was better then 3 was fantastic and now it started to affect me. Not that I was rushing out to buy one of the new 3 bladed monstrosities but because of the profit involved in the proprietary cartridges needed it made finding cheap injector blades tough. A lot of stores stopped carrying them and I was forced to search, and occasionally resort to the Net, to find blades. Then disaster struck. My last razor broke. Try finding an injector razor anywhere. Yea, you can find used ones on E Bay but while I didn’t mind inheriting one from a family member I really don’t feel like using a stranger’s old razor. Found new ones listed but found some reviews which said they were Chinese knock offs and that the blades wobbled so much in them that you might as well cut your throat. So now I’m stuck, I’ve got to use one of those abominations that get passed of as razors, either that or go electric which I’ve never cared for. I decided to go the 3 bladed route as they at least opened the back of the cartridge so you can try to run water through it to clear the blades. Not that it does much good, no sink faucet has rthat much pressure, but it’s better than nothing. Sitting here writing I feel my latest shave, I was ambitious today, and wonder why I bothered. If it was the army I’d be on KP for standing too far away from the razor.

Yet somehow they’ve continued adding blades to the cartridges and dollars to the price. So far they’ve gone with 4 and 5 blades and I’m surprised they haven’t quit making the 3 bladed gizmos. I can picture some marketing executive in the offices of Gillette or Shick rubbing his hands together and wondering how many more blades they can push on us before someone decides that they should be used to cut something other than whiskers. Not that it would do much good though.

All I want is a good, reasonably priced shave. If I was younger I’d reconsider the straight razor. My father has a very good German one I could steal. However I’m too old to learn now and besides, the stroke has thrown my balance off just enough that I’d probably look like a very poor grade of hamburger if I tried. I can still find injector blades if I try but if anyone knows where a razor can be located I would appreciate it If I can’t find one I’m going to have to think about becoming a member of the ZZ Top fan club because what passes for a razor these days is about as useful as teats on a boar hog.

OK, that’s it for know. Thanks for the listen.