Rested, a bit

Been home a week now and been about that long since I last posted. Sorry but been a bit busy. Had my daughter for last weekend and she took up most of my time. Mon spent the morning at the doctors then the rest of the day driving with my brother, for those of you worried that I might be behind a wheel, not just yet, to get my daughter back to her mother. Tues spent with doctors and therapists, Wed was free but used that to catch up on missing sleep and yesterday with the therapists, family and still more sleep. Did get out for a haircut and a bit of RPT poker last night. Helps immensely, mentally. What few free hours I did have spent mostly catching up on those missing Zs.

Hate to say it but a strange feeling hit after my daughter went home. Not exactly a depression, more like a feeling of lassitude (how do you lie them $5 words?). Really didn't feel like doing a whole lot, no posting, no poker, nada. hing is, as bad as the hospital was there were things to rebel against, to poke fun at, to engage me mentally. At home it's just routine. Noone to bitch at, to wise off to. The crap cops would feel good here however. A week home and my system still hasn't adjusted to real food.. Hear that Bryn Mawr poop police, if you are listening, I'm taking about six shits a day. Hope you are happy.

Therapy is a major pain in the ass. Spending money on a medical co-pay to do things with oversized rubber bands that I could do with weight machines at a gym I am already paying for. And at a lot less I might add. Therapy costs me in a week what I pay for the gym in a month. Big incentive to get fixed, fast. Luckily the PT therapist says I won't be seeing her long. Leg is doing well. Some days it feels 95%, others maybe only 80%. Tires fast but rest and exercise will soon fix that. Arm is another matter. It's coming along well but who knows what we are looking at. Trying to get it to do simple tasks as much as possible, like closing doors or pulling up blankets. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. Can almost make a fist with the fingers. Thumb still recalcitrant tho it has started moving as has the wrist, a bit. On the whole, good progress I think. Need the arm fairly active for the leg to get over the final hurdle because the damned boat anchor act still throws off the balance a bit no matter how good the leg feels.

Finally got out to play some RPT poker last night. Good to know some things haven't changed during my enforced layoff. The peckerwoods are still turning up as usual. Was doing decent until apair of 4s in the hole becomes a set on the flop. Due to two suited cards out there I don't slow play but throw out about a 2/3 pot bet and get a caller. When 3rd suited falls I figure he hit and just check but so does he. River a 4th suited and I wind up losing to his 5 hi vs my 4 hi. He called my flop bet with gut shot straight draw I know I gave him the free river but figured I was already beat at that point. Figured he would chase flush for that bet, never a gutterball. Lost half my chips and straggled to 12th. Then again he might have even called a turn bet figuring he had flush and straight draws. Who knows.

Speaking of poker, it's late but who ever thought up the Numbblow? Someone's bingo night get canceled? That was a hell of an experience. Unlike some who played it all in every hand I did try for a little sanity in an insane world. I at least wanted playable cards before I hit the button. 3 times I got up to 40K only to lose it all when I flopped two pair and got rivered by higher two pair. The last time was right before the rebuy ended so I went into the real game with the minimum. Got that up to 30k before I lost it the same way. Flop two pair and go all in against top pair top kicker. Runner runner pairs the board counterfeiting me and I'm gone. Ah well, it was fun but wouldn't like to do it for a living.

Getting tired and figure you guys are of me so time to thank you for letting me allow a bit of boredom into your lives. See you later

Home Sweet Home

Home, finally. Let me go about !0 am yesterday. Got home nd just sat around for while, until my brother got home, since he was driving me up to pick up my daughter. Did eat the hell out of a roast beef sandwhich while waiting tho. Walking felt a lot better all day. Felt good.

Brother got home and headed out to get the daughter, met her and her mother about 30 min north of Scranton. Drive was a pain in the ass, figuratively and literally. After getting released from the frikkin wheelchair I just confine myself to another seat for a long period of time. Seeing the daughter was worth it however.Met her at the food court at some truck stop. Had to exercise great will power to keep from pigging out on the corn dogs they had. After 2 weeks of hospital food I was sorely tempted but promised my brother dinner for doing the driving and he wasn't exactly expecting truck stop corn dogs. Also figured after 2 weeks of healthy eating I shouldn't go loading up on the garbage right off the bat. Have to ease myself into it.

After picking up my daughter and getting home we decided to go out for wings. Not exactly healty but probably better than corndogs. Figured I better hold off on the beer tho. No sense aggravating the balance problems. Stuck with Diet Coke. Wings tasted damn good even without beer. Right now just itting around, enjoying the daughter's company and resting. Catching up on lost sleep. Will discuss the NumbBlow later.

Thans for the opportunity to spread a little boredom.

Relapse

OK, what frikkin genius thought up that game? Enough to put me back in the hospital for 6 more weeks and I haven't even left yet.

Anticipation.

Freedom is fast approaching. While I still have almost 21 hours, H-hour is 10 am Fri, I have gotten thru most of my therapy sessions for the day. Have 30 min left of PT later this afternoon and then Mary Kate wishes to talk to me after that. Then it's down to clock watching. Would love to skip the second PT. I'm beat. The arthritus in the leg was acting up last night so sleeping was a bitch and this morning's sessions have worn my not so young ass out. Ah well, haven't gotten my out patient schedule yet but that can't start until at least Tue so I will get a few days break. Between that and the drugs for the arthritus on Mon I should be raring to go by Tue. In some ways I'm going to miss the people I met here.

On anoher bright note, go Phils. They took game 1 last night even tho the hitters seemed to be doing their best to piss it away. Hamels seemed to get shaky at times in the regular season but damn, he's definitely been a money pitcher in the post. Now, if second half Myers is the one that hits the mound in game 2 Phils could be traveling back home up 2-0. Hopefully the hitters get comfortable back at the Bank and put this one away quickly.

Release, a Phils win and a few more bucks at the poker table make for a semi contented Wolf and a boring blog. It's much better when I am at my cynical, sarcastic, smarmy worst, sticking pins into my voodoo doll of the world of officiousness. Hopefully my rightous anger will find some new targets in the outside world to keep things entertaining. (Damn, I'm a pretentious shit, ain't I)

Thank You for allowing me to bring a few minutes of boredom into your life once again.

I'm infamous

Sitting here playing some poker waiting for the Phils to start so I figured I'ld lay out a few more comments.

Well the support group met again today and Monday was a day that would live in infamy. They remembered me, not sure whether it was with affection or not, but they remembered me. Mary Kathleen asking me if i had any talking points for the meeting when she came in. Told her the blog was interesting today but that she would have to read it. Didn't want give some of those people heart palpitations. She did seem to expect that I would be throwing my two cents in conversation however. Before everything started a few of those I had gone to therapy with made some comments on my propensity to keep things lively, shall we say. Most were good natured but there were a couple I wasn't sure about. Not that they were negative but neutral sounding, could be read any way.

Well the meeting kicks off with Mary Kathleen asking if everone has a seat. Sorry but you don't feed me softballs like that. I just have to let loose with an "aw come on now" as every participant is confined to a wheelchair. That elicits a laugh. She was refering however to a woman standing behind her husband's chair but the opportunity was still too good to pass up. She brings up a book she was refering to on Mon before I sent her meeting all to hell, by about a PhD who suffered a stroke and her 5 year path to recovery. Sounds interesting but the main purpose was to lead the discussion down the path of "what if". After some remarks about things discussed Mon it was, "if you were talking to someone writing a book, how would you advise them about the care of stroke recovery persons." Again the main issue is dignity with these folks. Not just the poop police questions that are part of my schtick here so far, dignity in all things. Necessary intrusion for medical purpose are bad enough. but there are a ton of other things.

My suggestion for people to keep things as normal as possible when dealing with people recovering from stroke seemed to meet with general approval. While we may be impaired in some fashion, and while some may have other than just physical impairments most of us still retain our mental faculties even if we can't express what we are thinking. We are adults, not children, even if we must learn things as children do and play children's games to do so. Encouragement is fine but keep it real, as if we are adults, not as if we are children or pets. We don't need to be babied. For those of us who can do things, let us or at least let us try. We can't relearn it if someone else does it for us. If we can't do it we will let you know and ask for help. As one gentleman said, don't ignore us. We're here and we can hear. As he said, he's in the room and the kids are discussing, "what do we do about pop?" I told him say. "hey, pop's here, why not ask him?" To hell with politeness, some things must be met head on. Whether ignorance or too much compassion, both can be injurous to the recovery of stroke victim. The main requirement, IMHO, to making a great comeback from stroke is maintaining a positive and realistic attitude and affronts to dignity, however they come, whatever the reason can really set that back. After all, not everyone has an ego as big as mine and the attitude of go to hell if you don't see the world as I do, that they can shrug things off.

Damn, will you listen to me. I wasn't even sure I wanted to attend those meetings. As I was described once, it's not as if I don't play nice with other kids, it's just I don't need other kids to be able to play. Group stuff ain't my type of thing unless it is poker or bar hopping and here I go sounding like some kind of radical activist. Hey though, while only a short timer here compared to most of them, and in relatively a lot better shape I find I like these folks and relate to them. If things bother me it has got to be hell for some of them and if my spouting off can change some attitudes then I am more than willing to do so. Hey, when did I ever need an excuse to fire off my yap anyway.

Most of these people don't have the ability to get online and shout at the world to relieve their frustration the way I do. The fact that I have been able to get on here and joke and complain and, in general, just spill out my bullshit has done much to help me maintain a good mental attitude over the last week or so. The knowledge that there are people out there actually listening, or at least being kind enough to pretend they are has been icing on the cake. The words of encouragement are those little sugary flowers they set around the edges. Whoops, being diabetic maybe I should come up with a better analogy there. Be that as it may, what I'm trying to say is that while I have had a lot of help from people, both known and unknown, out there I have had options to help me cope. Not everyone has those options so if you do have dealings with such as us, please do not add to the troubles, we have enough as it is. Please think.

For those out there in the poker blogger community I wish to appreciate my thanks for the welcome reception to your world. I hope I can keep this thing running and be as entertaining as I hope it was, when not talking about shit and vibrators. God, did I just put that visual out there? (Bam, you're right, still some milage left.) Thanks again and I soon hope to be out there giving Falstaff more reasons to hate me as his jinx.

Thanks for allowing be to bore you again.

They just keep coming

Just when you think things are getting routine this place finds a way to suprise you and, coincidentally give me fodder for this blog.

So they do some major scheduling on me this am and I have 2 straight hours of therapy. Tiring but it gets it out of the way rather than leaving those little 30 to 60 min gaps in between which are about as useful as tits on a boar hog. So I'm feeling a lot better this morning and we're off and running at 9. Everything is going smooth but fairly routine until I hit the 11 OT session. Well my regular therapist is off today so I'm getting pot luck and I draw, what to me is a cute kid. Nice, seems to know her job but, unlike Carolyn, my regular, seemingly a bit stiff and business like. My normal bandinage is falling flat, unlike the give and take that goes on with Carolyn.

I figure, oh well, a good workout but a boring one. Then about 20 min in to the session the girl goes out of the room and brightens up my whole day. So help me god, she comes walking in with a freaking industrial strength vibrator, the kind I have only seen before in porn movies. Not the practically shaped kind but one of those big ol' wands with the circular head, this one being smooth on one side and knobby on the other. Holy shit. What's this, she gonna sit on the floor and give me a show while I'm supposed to wank off using my left hand? That would be some major incentive to get that arm working believe me. My mind is racing, both with all kinds of possibilities and the fact that today's post is going to have something interesting in it, after all the crap jokes can only carry you so far. So there I am, totally cracking up and both the therapist and the woman in the session with us are looking at me as if I have gone mad. I have no idea how far I can take this thing without being offensive. With Carolyn it would have been a blast, So I step lightly into the issue, talking a bit around the subject. You can see the light slowly dawn in the other patient's eyes about where my thought process is, tho she apparantly isn't finding the humour in it I am . The therapist is totally clueless however unless she is covering well. Oh well, I guess I'm not going to get away with my usual smart ass so I'll just have to be satisfied with having something interesting to blog about. Too bad, the kid was good looking enough to have made a decent amatuer video. Besides, can't wait to see what Carolyn thinks about this tomorrow. She's still leary about mentioning the word stool in my presence.

BTW, the vibrator did have a totally legitimate, if prosaic, purpose in therapy. It seems that, if applied to the proper muscles in the arm, it stimulates them and makes it much easier to make certain movements with the hand and wrist. Who knew? Still think it can be put to better uses but it now gives me a reason to acquire and keep one handy just in case I ever meet someone who is willing to compliment the way I think. "Hey, I'm not a pervert, I got a legitimate reason for having it. However I am more than willing to allow you find other reasons for its being". God, I am such a sick puppy. Now I got the support group in another hour or so. What can I do to liven that up and give myself some more blog fodder?

BTW, only a few more posts from here at Happy Acres, also affectinately known as Bryn Mawr Rehab. I'm getting sprung Fri morning. They enjoy my company so much that they really don't wish me to leave but one must do what one must. Actually they think that if I hang around another week they can release me as a mostly indepndent while now they say I still need a keeper. You know, I actually find myself agreeing with them and under other circumstances might accede to thir wishes. This weekend however, my daughter comes to visit and having not seen her since July I ain't spending it here so we are splitting. Promised them I will be dilligent with the out patient therapy. Main isues seem to be balance, I can navigate but they are afraid that I'm not quite ready to recover if I should stumble, and my arm, which would benefit from the extra week of intensive work here. Also, if they can get the extra week approved by the insurnce company it would be an extra week of therapy not charged to the account. Seems insurance companies are willing to approve in patient stays felt necessary but put strict limit on out patient stuff.. It figures.

Time to get ready for the support group. Thanks again for allowing me to bore you.

Lost one to myself

Was debating whether to post again today or not and I lost.

Today was a tough one. Was feeling OK thru most of the morning but then I think the last week and a half came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. The pressure, the lack of rest, the strain of therapy where it feels like you are lifting tons and you can't even make the fingers move, it all hit around lunch time. Felt like a rung out dish rag most of the day. Even worse, i screwed up the balance tests early and had my main therapy sessions late. Had absolutely no want to to do them. Just wanted to lay back on the bed and rest. Well I gutted it out and got thru the sessions, did quite a bit of work in OT as a matter of fact tho I slacked in PT got back to the room and crashed out on the bed figuring dinner, my family's visit, then tube until I fade. No blogging, no poker. So much for good intentions.

So here I am, got a table up on the screen and writing away but I am folding it in about 10 min. About even at the table, have lost 2 SnGs but have won the buy ins back at the ring game. Well I was ahead, had a guy call my As push with 6-7 off and flop the nuts. So I am down for the night. Oh well was going to retire shortly anyway Seems that we have a meeting tomorrow to review progress and decide where we go. All I know is I go out of here for this weekend. Daughter's visit is getting closer and I'm not missing it. Time to go folks and sorry that there were no great tales to tell today. Tomorrow tho we have another support group meeting and I will do my best to enliven it and bring a break from boring routine into these people's lives an d hopefully regal you with the results. Some times wonder if I playing the role of R.P. McMurphy here.

Thanks for allowing me to bore you once again.

Another day, another duodenum

It's 7:15 and I'm up for another day. I'm becoming to adjusted to this frikkin place. Not that my sleep is getting any better, just that I'm starting to ignore the distractions during the night. Most surely a bad sign.

Again we are in wait mode as these peckerwoods try and decide what to do with the day. You think they could plan these things out a day in advance at least, instead of waiting to the last minute. It ain't giving me any confidence as to what would happen if I had to rely on them for anything really serious if they can't do simple planning. Ah well, I'm up, made my report to the crap cops and ready to go. Wish they were.

Played a bit of poker on UB last night. Picked up $3 bucks in profit in the micro NL ring, another $5 in a couple of half buck SnGs and bubbled a $1 turbo PLO game and got called a total donk along the way. How did he know, I never played with him before? Guy seemed to think I was nuts for calling his preflop pair of Qs raise with a double suited spread and that they should lock me up for calling his push when I hit flush and a multiple possibility straight draw on the flop. I mean, how could I even think of calling his push with 23 outs? In a turbo tourney? With half my stack already in the pot? And about 6xs the BB left in front of me. Total donk move of course. Of course half my chips shouldn't have been in the pot to begin with because we all know that a double suited spread is a worthless hand. Even better I did it a second time the next orbit around to take him out. He must have stuck aroundfor 5 min berating me. Wasn't able to cash however. Went out near or in the bubble when the double suited spread finally failed me. Hit the flop for the draws again but they din't appear this time. Ah well, live by the sword, die by the sword. in case anyone doesn't know it yet, UB is a major donkey barn, at least at lower levels. Yea, I know, all places are bad at the low levels but these guys make most low level players look like pros. It's ironic that Helmuth's name is associated with the site. It's a shame I can't get to my AP account. With all this time on my hand could probably have increased it by another 50% at the SnGs.

Ah well, breakfast has arrived so we'll say adios for now. Thanks for your attention.

Last time I'll be invited

Work is over for the day and made my phone call to my daughter and now just sitting here waiting for dinner which will be in about 15-20 minutes so while starting this now I probably won't actually post until later.

Therapy was good, or in the case of the OT, indifferent. Have yet to figure out what exacty the hell is the difference between Physical therapy (PT) and Occupational therapy(OT) except the one seems more concerned with my leg, PT, while the other is with my arm, OT. PT was a bitch this am but was encouraging. Spent an hour at it and did two laps around the hallways without the use of the cane to start. Then went on to various and sundry leg exercises and which kind of resembled Step Reebock, only in slow motion. Got a burn in the legs like I never did in the gym and I'm only doing my own body weight. Legs are weary but it feels good. Left leg felt fairly solid too tho it does tire easy. OT was mainly taken up with making a splint for nights so that the fingers are kept spread. Seems that the hand has a tendency to curl up in these cases, which makes getting full movement back even harder if you don't cut the tendency short. Also fitted for some sort of sling that supports the arm while walking but keeps it straight rather than hooked up in front of you. Better for balance it seems. Followed it up with more PT where we did balance tests. If I didn't score 100 it was damned close. Toughest two come up tomorrow however, standing toe to heel wth your eyes shut and then balancing on one leg. Didn't hve time to get to them today. They also sound easy but think, they are two of the tests the cops use to check sobriety. They ain't that easy with a bum leg. Hopefully mine is up to it.

Now to the meat of the issue and hence the title of this post. After the PT I had a small break until the stroke support group so I grabbed a book, headed to the lounge where it was scheduled and waited. They start bringing the people in and while there weren't any of the truely fragile ones there most of these people make me feel like a kid to begin with and damned lucky to boot as most are in way worse shape than I am. A woman who was next to me, who I had met in therapy and seemed to have a similar problem to mine, tells me that I'm lucky to be able to read to pass the time. Seems that while her visible impairments don't seem as bad as some and her speach has no apparant defects, her brain is scrambled so that she can no longer read. It could have been depressing but most of them refused to let it be so and I figured I could do no less out of respect for them.

So Mary Kathleen, the head doctor, kicks off the meeting asking a question or two, trying to elict conversation and it's a bit like pulling teeth. She getting some responses but no real give and take, they re relying on her to carry it. She then gets to asking how people are coping and afterr an answer or two I figure to throw her a bone and bring up this blog. She asks if it's anything she really needs to read and I say probably not but that I have a few loyal followers who love the stories about the crap cops. Damn, all hell broke loose. If there was one thing these folks were willing to talk about it was the poop police. Everyone wanted to have their say and discuss the indignaties of the whole situation. Was like a dam had shattered. There were the jokes but also it seemed to have triggered some serious talk among these folks and instead of carrying a limping meeting for another 15-20 min it seemed that she had to break it up before they were done. herb, what the hell did you do? I crack wise and seemed to have touched a nerve. I can also understand why as, if I who am in fairly decent shape considering, am offended by what is going on in that catagory, how do these others feel where the care is probably much more intrusive than just having a nurse stand there watching while you whip out your wang to drain it or won't let you get off the pot by yourself because they are worried you are going to fall. Not to mention those ever present, intrusive bodily function questions. After the meeting I told her that that is what she gets for extending me an invite. That's me, trouble on the hoof.

Also added to my reputation in PT today. You get one main therapist in both PT and OT for your stay here. The Pt therapist, a great girl, Jeanette by name, told us today that they were rotating her to a different station so that we would be getting a new therapist tomorrow. As we were leaving the new person came in and Jeanette introduced her to us explaing who we were. I just looked a her and told her, "your life just became hell". She just looked and Jeanette, after putting up with me the last couple of days, started laughing like hell. Also got a major scare this morning. As I think I stated elsewhere I prefer to be pushed to PT rather than scoot nyself so that I don't wear my legs out beforehand. Today I had a new pusher, a nice lady, as opposed to the smart ass that was doing the job earlier. He was too much like me so we mixed like oil and water. Well after a few minutes of my witty reparte as she pushed me down to the gym she says that they should keep me around to improve morale. Woman, hush your mouth! Don't you even be giving anyone ideas.

Well, enough for today. Maybe I'll play some micro poker tonight. Been a couple of days since I have. Yur attention has been highly appreciated.

Waiting for Godot

Slept in today, made it until 7 before the woke me up. Actually they were in at 5 to check blood sugar, I am diabetic, but I practically slept thru that. Seems they also had the OT therapist scheduled to come in and teach me the morning routine. Sorry to disappoint her but I was already dressed and ready to go by the time she got here. If they would let me get up on my own I would have been washed up and my teeth brushed too. As I told her, I won't say getting dressed isn't a problem, trying to do anything with a bad arm and there are going to be problems, but they aren't major ones. Have only minor difficulties getting cleaned up and dressed. Only major difficulty is my right foot, my right arm needs about 2 inches added or my stomache needs about 2 inches subtracted to be able to get a sock on. Shoe is doable, it's rigid enough but the sock just flops all over.

Got breakfast and my schedule and now am waiting. Day is fairly busy but it's a late start, not until 11. If they aren't going to start me until 11 why did they wake me at 7? I will never understand hospital logic. Booked until 4 so as I said busy. As I guessed they got the support group on there. Since it's not at night, from 3-4, and I can't call my daughter until after 4 I'll probably go to see what it is about and to keep Mary Kathleen at bay. If I get her up here tomorrow trying to talk one on one I won't be able to resist and will probably have her stamping me certifiable. Think she is already wondering about me after our opening interview. Stray thought just wandered in, Wonder what she would make of Al? Or maybe the Rooster when he is being cagey.

Main doc wandered in this morning. She heard about the daughter's visit this coming weekend and said she'll talk to the therapists to see what they think and maybe springing me by then. Said the one therapist said she would prefer me for two weeks but she realizes the mental benefits of the visit can offset any deficits in the physical realm that would happen due to switching to out patient. Main problem is that out patient is 3 times a week for an hour as opposed to 5 or maybe 6 for 90 min by being in. Tho the extra days can't hurt , I am discounting session times because while they say the session is 30 or 60 min by the time the pusher gets here to take you where you need to go you wind up losing about 5 or 10 mins anyway and you usually share the session with another person so that half the time is spent resting while the therapist works with the other person. If , like today , I'm already in the wheelchair, I sometimes don't bother waiting for the pusher but kick myelf around. TThat's a bitch before a PT session however as it tires the legs right before you hve to use them for the therapist and she's the one judging how strong you are. Prefer to be pushed to the session and kick my way back. Don't care how tired the legs are once I'm back in the room.

As a final aside for now, I seem to have finally pleased the crap cops. Talked to both the rehab doctor and the medical one and they both said they will strike the "Halloween candy" from the meds list so I no longer have to go pill sorting to pull them out on my own. A relief, pardon the pun.

More misadventures later. Thank you for your time and attention

Day of rest

Today was mainly a day of rest. Only had half hour of therapy scheduled, that at 9 this morning and I was even robbed there. Frikin schedule didn't get here until about 5 of and by the time I got ready and the delivery guy got me there it was 10 after so I only wound up with 20 min. After that day was my own. Figured I would work on my legs and hand while lying around watching the games. Well got some done tho not as much as I would like. Damn arm was more tired than I thought from yesterday tho I was able to get a bit of rhythym in a cople of exercises they gave me to do. Just wasn't able keep it up as much as I would like. Problem is, as the arm gets tired you don't feel it as you would regular fatigue as you would from lifting weight. It just stops working on you which is frustrating as you don't know whether it's a set back or not. Hand actually clenched all 4 fingers today, an improvement over yesterday's 2. Thumb is still pissed off at me however as it refused to budge. Think it may be holding out for chocolates and flowers or maybe even drinks and dinner. Don't think it realizes it has already screwed me.

New roommate may not be entirely as bad as I thought. He is still one of the fragile ones but he didn't look as bad today as he did yesterday and he can talk and move around a bit though he is basically stuck where put him, bed or chair. He can talk however tho not exactly a brilliant conversationalist, and he watches TV. In fact he's screwing me up right now. Family brought my cell phone earpiece and I was intending to call my daughter tonight to congratulate her and talk to her but the volume on his tv is so loud that using the bluetooth will be tough. Doesn't bother me while watching mine as I'm using a headset which keeps out the background noises.

Hit the crapper a couple of times today. Yea, just what you folks want to hear but threw that in because I know it will make the shit police around here happy. At least the piss scans are over with. Told these folks that they can concentrate on the arm and leg and the brain, the plumbing works fine thank you.

There is a stroke support group tomorrow night or so the head doctor mentioned. Wonder if they are going to try and stick it on my schedule? Wonder if I will bother if they do? In case you haven't guessed by now I'm not a support group type person. unless it's a group of bloggers in a bar or a group of poker players. They want me to start feeling good about myself they can take me to my regular Mon nite support group, the RPT game at the Trappe. If anyone heading that way reads this tell Kaitlyn I said hi, hope to see her soon. anyway, back to the subject, I don't need any group to help me feel good about myself. I have an ego as big as the Rockies and about as solid. in fact I border on the narcisstic. Don't give a rat's ass as to what most people think about me as I know my worth to myself and if they don't agree with me that is their problem not mine. Except the bank when I'm trying to get a loan, hate when they don't agree with me as to my value. We'll see what happens. May go just to keep my sanity because I know that if I don't the head doctor will be up here on Tue. wondering why and trying to convince me what a benefit it is. Don't they always.

Guess it's time to call it a nite. Gonna put the late game on and maybe do a few more hand exercises. Gotta be careful tho. Hate to have it so tired that it refuses to show off for the therapists tomorrow and they think that there is some other problem with it.

BTW, the maudlin crap is over. I'm feeling feisty again.

By the dawn's early light.

Actually I didn't see it this morning the way I usually do in here. While I crapped out early last nightI wound up waking up around 11:30 and then couldn't get back to sleep until about 3 or so and I was still out of it when they came around for morning vitals and they were even a bit later on them than usual, about 6:30 instead of the usual 5. How come you always hear that rest is one of the most important things you need when ill and that is the one thing they don't let you get in a hospital? Do you really need to take vital signs at 5 in the am? Are they going to be any different than if taken at 7 or 8? Beginning to think it's more a sense of self importance than anything actually related to health issues. Have a feeling that I'm not going to be popular when I bring this up during the conference with the doc on Mon or Tue. but it's definitely going to be brought out. I didn't really get up until about 7 and just sitting here waiting for breakfast and the schedule to come out to decide how I'm handling the day. i'm beat and they tell me Sun should be light so depending on how things look I might lay around a bit this morning, do some work on the arm, catch a football game and maybe nap later this afternoon. We shall see.

Speaking of vitals I sense that tho I have calmed down a bit from my rage of yesterday afternoon I might still be harbouring some major isues. The BP for the last 3 readings has been about 20 points higher on the upper number than it has been lately. Thankfull the lower one, which they say is more important has remained decent. Have to try to relax, think good thoughts and find things to joke about and get that number back where it belongs soon. Will not let the frustration and lack of dignity in this place get the better of me. Kind of hard tho when there are strange smells coming from the other side of the room,, some making my nose hairs curl and relating to god knows what, while I'm waiting for breakfast.

I don't think I have mentioned that, while they won't let me walk about on my own yet, seem to think I need a keeper, they don't seem to mind me roaming the halls in the wheelchair. Kicking around in that thing is giving the legs a good workout.

Breakfast, such as it was, arrived so just took a short break. Very short. There's another reason I have to get out of here. While I like coffee, and sometimes drink to much when I do drink it, it's never been a routine for me. Inever had to have that morning cup to jumpstart my day Here however, I have taken to ordering it with my meals, maybe just to break the monotony. Just what I need from a hospital, to leave with an addiction. Well, think I'll lay back for a few until the schedule gets here and watch the news then figure out how the day is going to go. More later for those of you preverts who can't get enough of this frikkin soap opera.

As a final word I would like to send thanks and appreciation to those of you reading and commenting. Writing this is helping the mental state immensely not to mention relieving the boredom and knowing that it's actually being read, and maybe even enjoyed, and not just an unheard howl really helps. Thanks to Kat whose early words of encouragement helped me to decide to not just let this sit after the first post or two and a special thanks to Bam who has encouraged me not just to write but for others to read. It means the world and as you said in your blog, I can never repay but will try and pay it forward as you have done when the time comes. And you have my permission to slap me up the side of the head if I ever forget. Thanks.

Oh, BTW, tell Pebbles I have to hold off on that marriage proposal for now. Hate to renig but still haven't figured out whether certain things belong to the right or left side of the body and doubt that I am going to get a chance to find out while I'm in here.

Feeling better

Wasn't going to put out a last word tonight but decided I better not go to bed in a brooding mood. Plus there is some information I received yesterday that made me feel better and felt I needed to put in here. Add to the fact that my family showed up for dinner and I'm feeling a tad better I thought a few final comments for the day will help the mood. Normally this woudn't be the close of the day for me but as I said earlier I worked my butt off and I'm feeling it so instead of playing poker for a few hours I think I'm gonna lay back, turn on the tube, find a game and if I fade out for the night I fade.

Had to do this because I am proud of my daughter. She and her mother moved to upstate NY this summer so she started a new school. Seems the school has 3 tracks, hi, medium and lo and they started her in the medium one, probably because they had no history on her. Got an email from the ex last night saying that she got a call from the school yesterday asking if she minded if they moved the daughter to the hi track based on her grades so far and the fact her teachers think she is bored with the current curriculum. They also informed her that she has the highest grade average in science for her whole grade, a 99.7. Considering my daughter keeps saying she wants to be an animal biologist seems like an auspicious situation. Go Maya, your father is proud of you. Keep up the good work.

Have said what I needed to say. New vistors so I'm going to sign off. Hopefully will be my old sarcastic and cynical self in the morning light.

Just went downhill

Life just took a nose dive off the cliffs. Have 4 sessions today, just got back from the third and have an hour wait for the final one. Things weren't going too bad, good even, except for the fact the occupational therapist saying something about a 3 week stay and trying to convince me to at least make it 2 as she thought I would get more intensive therapy there then as an outpatient. Told her I would consider her opinion. Sessions went well, worked my ass off and neurologist stopped by and seemed to have a good opinion. However as I got back from last session I found them moving a new roomie in. Forget it, I'm definitely outta here, no matter what the reevaluation committee thinks on Monday.

New guy in the room is one of the fragile ones. Can barely talk, looks about 100 and they got him in a hospital gown, which in here means big problems because even most of the bad rehab cases are wearing sweats of some sort. No way I am spending any more time than necessary here under these conditions. Any physical progress will be defeated by mental depression and I will so state when we dicuss things. Now I know there has to be problems along the way but you are going to tell me there aren't people like me or my former roomie they could have stuck in here. This guy was moved from somehere along the hall so it's not like he's a new admittee being put in the only available bed. Doesn't anyone think about putting similar people together? I know it's a hospital but there has to at least be some more like me in here. Probably another guy like me sitting in a room with another one of the fragile ones somewhere cursing his fate too. Well time for therapyagain. More of my misadventures later.

stomache rumblings

A few prebreakfast words from here at Happy Acres since I have nothing else better to do while waiting for them to feed me. You people are going to get as tired of my ass as the wardens here but at least you will be able to shut me off. Waiting for breakfast and the stomache is growling. Food here, at least the menu items, is crap and for a place so worried about whether you take a healthy dump they don't even give you enough to take one. Considering the quality I don't know whether to consider that a good thing or not. have heard that if you do a write in ballot they will try to accomodate you out of the snack bar but as I'm on some kind of restricted diet don't know if that will work for me. i did get them to find me some raw onion for sandwich yesterday and got a second bowl of soup for dinner that I asked for but don't know if they'll bring up the pizza if I write it in. One of my visitors had a slice and said it was pretty good. At least the coffee is Wawa. Surviving mainly on a Wawa Italian foot long with hot peppers a co worker smuggled in the other day and a piece of shoo fly pie my father brought by. Don't think the dietician would have approved but what the hell, been behaving for the most part and eating their gunk for a week now. Don't think much of the dietician anyway. You think it would be impossible to screw up something as simple as cold cereal but they have found a way to do it. I keep ordering some whole grain cereal for breakfast, something I normally eat anyway and, until recently, they kept sending up some kind of flaccid eggbeater crap with a biscuit or bagel, not even a onion one with a schmeer. Now I'm sure the eggs are those laboratory concocted healthy slop but since when is something made with white flour better for you than whole grains. Sheesh, do I have to teach these people their jobs. Keep thinking that when I get out of here tho I need to make a trip to Pumpernick's in Montgomeryville for a pastrami reuben with a big onion slice and some carrot cake . So much for healthy.

Ok, breakfast arrived so we took a break, Mostly got it right this moning tho they forgot the coffee. The orderly even found me some extra cereal. She's a queen. Now I have to sit here for another half hour or so until they bring in the schedule. They say weekends are slow but I know at least two of the therapists are in today and I'm scheduled for at least one of them so the day won't be a total waste. I know, I'm repeating myself, Live with it.

Just got my schedule. Good news and bad news. Good news, they must want me out of here. Instead of slow my schedule is busier than yesterdahy. Bad news, they got me in the 3-3:30 slot this afternoon and my poker game on Tilt is set for 3. Timing still sux. Should have known. Ah well, I'll take it, better the busier schedule.

Time to head out for therapy so I'll say adios for now. See how I feel after all the work.

Speaking of shit

Before I start on anything else I would like to thank Kat and Bam for their kind encouragement at the start of this thing and hope they see these words since it's been a few weeks between the flop and the C-bet.

Back to the subject. Running joke around this place has to do with shit, literally. Main question on the nurses and doctors' lips seems to be, " did you move your bowels" or "when did you move your bowels"? I have never seen any group of people so preoccupied with shit. Not the only one that notices this either as, in therapy today, the therapist made a remark about grabbing a stool and I wise crack about she better watch how she uses that term around here and the lady next to me on the mats starts laughing and says "yea, they really do worry about poop around here"? It's become a scream. They hand out laxatives and stuff like they are giving out Halloween candy. Even the techs and orderlies are getting a kick out of the jokes flying around. Decided that you better say yes when they ask because they might get too worried and bend you over and stick a hose up your ass if you tell them no. On a related note, when they ain't worried about shit they wander over to the other side and think about piss. You can spend 5 minutes draining the snake and they go, "we have to check your bladder to make sure it's emptying". Cripes man, do you have any frikkin doubt? Avoid rehab, there is no dignity.

On a more serious, and upbeat, note it looks like the therapy session went well today. Arm and leg are tired but seem to be gaining on it. Lucked out and have two of my therapists in tomorrow so it looks like I'm not going to be wasting a day the way I thought I would. Wasted time means more time in here and that no sane person would want. Things seemed to go well today, work tomorrow and reevaluation on Monday. Maybe out by Wed. Poker on Friday?

Just discovered Eagles off this week. My timing really sucks. One Sunday I'm cooped up and no frikkin game. All the gods now conspiring against me, not just the poker ones. Don't know what I did to piss them off so thoroughly. Am really working off some bad karma here. Even poker is screwed up. The network here sucks so bad that I can't get into AP, the only site I had cash on. Had same problem in the regular hospital earlier this week, same network, but there I could use the aircard from work. Here, it's a cell phone dead zone and the air card doesn't work so I'm SOL. Luckily I switched a few bucks to Ultimate Bet when I had AP access, just in case, so I'm playing some micro games to keep from being bored. The$20 win at the .01-.02 NL table the other night did a lot to improve the spirits tho about $5 has been returned. Hate this site but it's my only option. 10 freaking sites on the computer and the one I can't get into is the one that has my cash. Belong to an online league and we have a FR on Tilt tomorrow. Need to cash and get some bucks on there to give me another option. Oh well, time to close up shop for the night. Maybe I'll take a dump.

Same Day, different shit

The doctors have now been in, I have been "evaluated" and starting tomorow they give me a schedule of workouts. Snuck a head doctor in the mix. Hope I didn't screw up my chances of leaving when I answered her question about drug and/or alcohol use with "only to excess" or when asked if I suffered delusions with "only of granduer". Sorry, after being cooped up for 5 days and being asked tons of questions, many of them repititious I had to let it out. She did seem to have a sense of humour so I'm hoping they don't bring out the guy with the butterfly net.

On a more seriuos note, I suprised myself today. I might be closer to getting out of here than I think as the leg and hand showed more strength than I anticipated. Just hope I'm not getting my hopes up only to get dashed later. Was able to do some walking and hit the stairs and the balance issues were minor compared to the previous few days. Ain't gonna be doing any squatting 0f 700 lbs soon but at least was able to do my body weight as long as I could hang on to a rail for balance Hand and arm have a lot farther to go but it's the leg that is important to getting sprung. The hand and arm can be done on an outpatient basis if they feel I can navigate well enough to get around the house.

Speaking of the hand, I actually saw a finger wiggle today. Of such small advances are dreams made of. Hey, it's better than yesterday. On the whole I was able to do some arm exercises with a modicum of help against gravity. You know, kind of like the bench press, that last lift that doesn't seem makeable until someone sticks their forefingers under the bar and lifts with you. Don't look like much but somehow it lets you accomplish something you didn't think possible. Same with the arm, just trying to lift and it seems nothing is getting done yet with that little assist I can actually feel that the muscles are indeed still working. It's looking like a long road to dealing cards again however. I have warned the therapist that she is in for trouble however. Told her that she better not slack or let me do so because I'm going to make myself such a major pain in the ass she's gonna want to toss my ass out on the front lawn.

Therapy room was a bit depressing. Sorry, but have to speak my mind. Place was filled with people that looked anywhere from 25 years older than I am and up and most look like they would shatter in a stiff wind. I understand that I am still young for what happened to me but this was scary. Roomie isn't too bad , maybe a few years older, but nice guy. Plus he's only rehabbing from a double knee replacement so three are no major issues there, only his need to do major work to get himself back in action. He leaves on Sat however and after looking at the crowd this afternoon it fills me with dread as to what I might draw for my remaining days here. Yes I know this sounds terrible and self indulgent and that some day I too may be one of that crowd but right now understanding is taking a back seat to my ego.

Hokay, enough for now, time for a bit of poker before I call it a night. Might as well keep me occupied. Go Phils.

Another day

OK, to get on with this thing. Sitting here in rehab waiting for the nice doctors to come in and evaluate me and playing a bit of micro NL on UB. After all what else is there to do when you can't get around?

You start getting very philisophical when you find out your body has failed you and has put you at the mercy of .others. Like WTF am I doing here. You take delight in the simplest things, like the $20 win at the micro tables last night, the bottle of hot sauce a therapist smuggled into the hospital for you for this crap they call food or the fact that you can rest your hand on the edge of the table without gravity pulling it off. Even when you are fairly solitary by nature it's a lot different when you are that way by choice as to when you are forced into it. It's a complete different mindset. Alone, just me in the compter, I've spent dozens of evenings this way, yet now it feels totally different because I have no option to do anything different.

Enough of the maudlin crap. Time for the doctors to come in. Have to get theses suckers off their duffs to get working on getting me out of here. Frikkin wasted a whole day so far on BS and ain't accomplishing a damn thing sitting around. Enough tests and crap, lets get down to work. I got things to do and they ain't gonna happen with me sitting in this chair. (Tho at least it's an improvement over being stuck in bed)

Not auspicious beginngs

So I'm finally finding time to post something here after a very slow start. Work got hectic and not much time for this. Now I have all the time I don't want as I lie here in the rehab center.waiting find out how soon they are going to let me out. That's physical rehab, not abuse type for all you peckerwoods ready to believe the worst of me. The poker hasn't gotten that far out of hand yet tho I'm sitting here playing as I type this. What else is there to do when they have pinned your butt to a bedsheet and tell you to stay there until they evalute you as to what you can do on your own?

For those who might be interested, tho I can't see why, it seems I have suffered a minor stroke a week ago and it took them awhile to actually pin it down. In the meantime my left arm has decided to imitate a boat anchor and my left leg, originally a bit weak has really gone to hell after being kept unused for 4 days. For those who might care, tho that that puzzles me more than the previous might, the prognosis is good, should be hitting poker games in couple of weeks when I can find rides, tho dealing the RPT and home games may take a bit longer. Also means my shuffleboard rematch gets pushed back but I still want it.

Ok, have slipped down in this bed which makes typing difficult so have to leave it here for now. Thanks for the well wishes, both for the start of the blog and from those who knew about the illness. I hope to be writing again soon, if they don't wear my nasty ass out.